The Original Song

THE ORIGINAL SONG

Inspired by Robert Frost’s poem yesterday, I wrote the following poem.  But before we get into that, I want to share a little bit about silence.  I spoke with my cousin last night who was distraught upon finding out her best friend had been hit by a car.  He was seriously injured, but alive.  She told me about how when she found out, she called multiple friends but no one answered.  She felt “alone in the universe, I just felt like I was left floating there.”

I remember this feeling back in my depression, I felt so alone and unheard, unwanted and living in fear.  Just as she was.  I explained to her that the unhealthy side of our brains, the parts of us unhealed, hurting, the addictions, the self-indulgences, the justifications, the instant gratifications, etc. That side always tells us bad things.  Our brains are hardwired to make us feel better – at whatever the cost.  When we were hungry as primal creatures, our brains would solve problems to get us nourishment.  When we needed shelter, we would creatively find a solution.  That has not changed, only our problems have.

We now need to be “perfect;” warm, comfortable at all times, loved by everyone, successful, eat the most balanced diet, post only the most beautiful pictures on Instagram, and have the most loving and adoring relationship.  This list goes on and on.  Our brain is constantly trying to give us the best solutions to all of our problems.  For those of us who have unhealthy tendencies; eating to cope with stress, suicidal thoughts, using sex, drugs, alcohol, etc. It’s very easy to let that side have the loudspeaker.  But there is another side.

The healthy side, in that moment for my cousin, was telling her to take some silence.  No one answered the phone calls, but the universe answered the real call. Be quiet in your grief, in your fear, in your hurt.  She wasn’t alone in the universe, because she was WITH the universe.  And this beautiful world wanted her to make a healing wish for her friend and for herself.  Sometimes, silence is the answer.  That is where we grow, evolve, learn and understand ourselves more fully.

Our greatest strength, our greatest wisdom and our greatest kindness is silence. That is our original song.  Silence and love.

The Original Song
Never have I met someone like you
Apologetically heroic while healing hearts.
Kind severity that stares straight through
Unabashed, unadulterated, a destiny long overdue,
Spoken softly, a secret of honey burns at our hearths.

Love letters left on pillowcases,
Sunsets seeping from the text;
A humanity overwhelmed with familiar faces,
Flowers filling up the blank spaces –
In between the places like lovers might suggest.

Words falling short and gracelessly falling out,
Inexplicable in nature, what a marvel you are
Like God himself is even devout.
The land lacking light, without and in drought
And then you, like Renoir, painted the sky with heaven’s first star.

 

“The Road Not Taken” by Robert Frost (1874-1963)

"THE ROAD NOT TAKEN" BY ROBERT FROST

Today, for no particular reason, I find this poem to be quite significant.  Beyond the beauty, imagery and profound verse of this poem – I am left questioning many things.  At first read, this poem delivers the messaging of “Did I make a difference?”  With the final sentiments of “I took the one less traveled by, And that has made all the difference.” But upon further reading, and interpreting, I’m left with realizing that either way he chose to walk, the destination would have been the same.  (“Had worn them really about the same.”)

This poem, every time I read it, makes me feel very human.  Because whether we choose to be musicians, or poets, or a construction worker – in the end, we are all on the same path, with the same wear, heading in the same direction.  Universally human.  I have read before (in various opinions of this poem online) that “The Road Not Taken” tears apart the traditional view of individualism. Some might find this thought frustrating, defeating, inaccurate; saying that our choices do have impacts and make large differences in our paths.  I find this thought relieving, comforting and true in my world – regardless of the path and the small choices I make, I am among the collective human race.

This poem is not really about “Did I make a difference?”  It’s about the strive to make a difference. 

Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth;

Then took the other, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim,
Because it was grassy and wanted wear;
Though as for that the passing there
Had worn them really about the same,

And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way,
I doubted if I should ever come back.

I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.

Ask me your questions, Tell me no lies

I woke up at 2:30am quite abruptly this morning.  While I was sitting in the dark, I thought of Purpose and Prose and what I’m really doing writing online.  I love poetry, I love sharing my poetry with others, but under my “about me” section I talk about how I want to help others.  And really, that’s why I feel I’m here, right now, as Emily in this world in 2018.

I went to photography school because I wanted to document humans.  I wanted to share their stories, and live many lives and love everyone with unconditional, limitless vigor.  But, I was raised in an alcoholic home where love was confused.  Learning to love from adults and a sibling who often were angry, hurting or alone was a challenging landscape.  However, I’m now very grateful for the abuse and the spectrum of feelings I’ve had in my life because it has only taught me how to love people out of their own darkness.

Now, I want to help YOU. 

I will be the first to admit that I am not a trained professional.  I have no counseling degree, and I am not a therapist. But, I’ve had 12 years of therapy under my belt and I have read pretty much every self-help book out there.  I’ve been to CBT Therapists, Somatic Therapists, I’ve been to Al-Anon, AA meetings (to understand the Alcoholics perspective), I’ve been to Love and Sex Addicts Anonymous meetings, and I’ve been practicing Buddhism for the past 3 years.  I also was a trained mentor and adviser to young girls and boys in youth homes and spent 2 years assisting them.  Lastly, I’m a human who has seen the darkest of times and who has survived and used those experiences as nutrients to grow into an even better person.  Those are my credentials.

I want to hear about your life, I want to hear where you want clarity.  I want to give you love and support and provide any form of assistance I can – whether that’s just listening, or if you want tangible life suggestions that you can apply to better yourself.  Are you feeling angry too often?  Do you have resentment towards someone?  Do you want to become a better version of yourself?  Are you constantly on a diet and it isn’t working?  Do you feel unhappy in any way?  Tell me about it – in as much or as little detail as you want.

Whoever sends me a comment, or fills out my contact box – I will write a post to answer your question/speak to you directly.  I can keep you completely anonymous.

I will still be writing my poetry, because I enjoy it – but I believe this is the “Purpose” part of “Purpose and Prose.”  I’m so looking forward to hearing from you, whoever you are, I love you already and I’m so proud of you for reaching out.

Be here now.

FindingYourLightFromWithin

It could be from my husband’s absence (he’s a touring musician and has been gone for the past 6 months), it could be from my father’s passing, it could be from our recent move, our recent wedding, or any other living, breathing thing – but right now I’m floating.

Before therapy, a time like this would have me spinning.  I feel the impulse to have a head full of questions.  I used to beg the universe for answers.  I wanted so badly to understand why I was hurting, why I was shown so many paths in life if I was “stuck” on only one.  I used to bury myself so deep in fantasy versions of my life, the visions of timelines not yet lived, and other worlds I created that I would be so far removed from the present.  But not now. And I gotta say, it’s refreshing as hell.

Yeah, I’m confused.  I’m taken aback by my circumstances.  I wonder why my husband has lost his faith, I worry on how to talk to him about my heart aches with loving kindness, over the years I’ve felt tired and alone in my pursuit to feel joy, and I am uncertain about the future and what it holds – but isn’t all of this the best part?  Isn’t the unpredictability, the riskiness, the absurd and spirit of inquiry just so human?

Last night, the first primitive nuclei divided and created a new and separate nucleus.  No one knows how the first nuclei was formed, there have been many theories, but to my knowledge, there hasn’t been a definitive answer and last night, I witnessed the creation of the secondary universal nuclei.  The world split right in front of me – and in its beauty, and in its rapture, I was present.  My eyes were swollen with tears, my lungs overwhelmed with mist and my hands were sparking with magic.

We all have the answers, every answer, to every question ever asked.  I am floating in the translation of the word simplicity. I feel it in my fingertips, it sends shivers down my spine and causes goosebumps on my flesh.  I am human, I am here.

Titleless 
She was the only witness.
Only she heard my hunger.

And if it was that easy, she answered,
“Just you wait.”

Without hope, without need,
She drenched me in wonder.

Still frames projected behind my eyelids,
waves, the harmonic motion, stirring my source.

A lifetime with your touch, a life without your touch,
We danced with the line of collapsing time.