Ask me your questions, Tell me no lies

I woke up at 2:30am quite abruptly this morning.  While I was sitting in the dark, I thought of Purpose and Prose and what I’m really doing writing online.  I love poetry, I love sharing my poetry with others, but under my “about me” section I talk about how I want to help others.  And really, that’s why I feel I’m here, right now, as Emily in this world in 2018.

I went to photography school because I wanted to document humans.  I wanted to share their stories, and live many lives and love everyone with unconditional, limitless vigor.  But, I was raised in an alcoholic home where love was confused.  Learning to love from adults and a sibling who often were angry, hurting or alone was a challenging landscape.  However, I’m now very grateful for the abuse and the spectrum of feelings I’ve had in my life because it has only taught me how to love people out of their own darkness.

Now, I want to help YOU. 

I will be the first to admit that I am not a trained professional.  I have no counseling degree, and I am not a therapist. But, I’ve had 12 years of therapy under my belt and I have read pretty much every self-help book out there.  I’ve been to CBT Therapists, Somatic Therapists, I’ve been to Al-Anon, AA meetings (to understand the Alcoholics perspective), I’ve been to Love and Sex Addicts Anonymous meetings, and I’ve been practicing Buddhism for the past 3 years.  I also was a trained mentor and adviser to young girls and boys in youth homes and spent 2 years assisting them.  Lastly, I’m a human who has seen the darkest of times and who has survived and used those experiences as nutrients to grow into an even better person.  Those are my credentials.

I want to hear about your life, I want to hear where you want clarity.  I want to give you love and support and provide any form of assistance I can – whether that’s just listening, or if you want tangible life suggestions that you can apply to better yourself.  Are you feeling angry too often?  Do you have resentment towards someone?  Do you want to become a better version of yourself?  Are you constantly on a diet and it isn’t working?  Do you feel unhappy in any way?  Tell me about it – in as much or as little detail as you want.

Whoever sends me a comment, or fills out my contact box – I will write a post to answer your question/speak to you directly.  I can keep you completely anonymous.

I will still be writing my poetry, because I enjoy it – but I believe this is the “Purpose” part of “Purpose and Prose.”  I’m so looking forward to hearing from you, whoever you are, I love you already and I’m so proud of you for reaching out.

Be here now.

FindingYourLightFromWithin

It could be from my husband’s absence (he’s a touring musician and has been gone for the past 6 months), it could be from my father’s passing, it could be from our recent move, our recent wedding, or any other living, breathing thing – but right now I’m floating.

Before therapy, a time like this would have me spinning.  I feel the impulse to have a head full of questions.  I used to beg the universe for answers.  I wanted so badly to understand why I was hurting, why I was shown so many paths in life if I was “stuck” on only one.  I used to bury myself so deep in fantasy versions of my life, the visions of timelines not yet lived, and other worlds I created that I would be so far removed from the present.  But not now. And I gotta say, it’s refreshing as hell.

Yeah, I’m confused.  I’m taken aback by my circumstances.  I wonder why my husband has lost his faith, I worry on how to talk to him about my heart aches with loving kindness, over the years I’ve felt tired and alone in my pursuit to feel joy, and I am uncertain about the future and what it holds – but isn’t all of this the best part?  Isn’t the unpredictability, the riskiness, the absurd and spirit of inquiry just so human?

Last night, the first primitive nuclei divided and created a new and separate nucleus.  No one knows how the first nuclei was formed, there have been many theories, but to my knowledge, there hasn’t been a definitive answer and last night, I witnessed the creation of the secondary universal nuclei.  The world split right in front of me – and in its beauty, and in its rapture, I was present.  My eyes were swollen with tears, my lungs overwhelmed with mist and my hands were sparking with magic.

We all have the answers, every answer, to every question ever asked.  I am floating in the translation of the word simplicity. I feel it in my fingertips, it sends shivers down my spine and causes goosebumps on my flesh.  I am human, I am here.

Titleless 
She was the only witness.
Only she heard my hunger.

And if it was that easy, she answered,
“Just you wait.”

Without hope, without need,
She drenched me in wonder.

Still frames projected behind my eyelids,
waves, the harmonic motion, stirring my source.

A lifetime with your touch, a life without your touch,
We danced with the line of collapsing time.